Love Worth Fighting For
Greetings from Hogar Ninos Dios: The Home of the Child God. The nuns chose this name because in each of the 35 special needs children (and adults) that they serve are faces of the child Jesus. As many of you know I spent 4 months over Christmas and Easter in Bethlehem working with these children and now I am back! I was never able to fully put into words my time here because I experienced a love that was indescribable. It is a love that is keeps me here despite what is going on between Gaza and Israel.
A little backstory of where I am. I am in Bethlehem The current war is in Gaza but we do not know if it will spill into our part of the country. There have been a few stray missiles (without casualties) but the main bloodshed is on the border of Gaza. Hopefully the bloodshed will end and both sides will work towards a peaceful coexistence.
I appreciate all the love and support I have received over the past weeks. God has sent his angels to guard our home and I am forever grateful for all the prayers. I have had countless messages from family, friends and strangers checking in on me and assuring me that their prayers are with us. The one that touched me the most was when I asked two of my friends to say a “Hail Mary” on the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary. They were both raised Catholic but have since fallen away. They didn’t know if they remembered the words but thanks to Mother Mary they were able to say it. It brought tears to my eyes because the words of the prayer, though not used in a very long time, were inscribed on their hearts. That is how God works. He is always there, we just need to call upon him. May He guard and protect not only us but all the innocents as well that are affected by the war. May He change the hearts of those who wish harm to one another and restore peace in the promised lands. Amen.
When I came back to my little home in Bethlehem, I did not think this would be my reality. It started off typical Hogar style with a party and greetings from everyone. I got to experience some beautiful highs like walking with one of our children for the first time (17 years in a chair!!), or a divine timing when I literally ran into a friend at church when I was leaving and he was entering or spending an hour in the Grotto of the Nativity after hours with only 4 other volunteers. I did not know it then but God was preparing me for what was to come. On the night of October 6th myself and 4 other volunteers were able to have an hour of prayer with only the candles and a faint light in the Grotto of the nativity. The church, usually bustling with people, was silent. It was as if the world was holding its breath for the Savior to be born. It was where the Holy Family became the Holy Family. It was where Joseph was the first person to be able to touch the body of God. Wow. I have mass in the grotto every morning but God keeps revealing different things to me every time I am down there. It is crazy to think that my daily mass is in the place of my Savior’s birth. It is my “parish”. It is my home.
On October 7th my day started off normal. As I was walking with Josextu, another volunteer, to daily mass we heard sirens. They sounded similar to tornado sirens and I did not think anything of it but it gave Josextu a bad feeling. That is when we heard a missile explode overhead and when we looked up another was intercepted. We did not know what was happening so we continued on our way to the church. After church we did hear a few more so that's when we looked at the news and saw the attack by Hamas. We did not know it would turn into a war. The first day we were on pins and needles at the home because we did not know if we were going to have to move all the children to safety. Since that morning the skies have gone back to normal but the tension is still in the air. Some volunteers left once war was declared but a few of us remained.
As for me there is not a cell in my body that even considered the option of leaving. God called me here at this time for a reason. His timing is always perfect. After my family realized I was unwavering in my decision to stay, some suggested I would be useful on the front lines helping as a nurse. This was a thought I was having myself and I felt guilty for not doing more in this time of war because I have the skills. I brought this feeling to God and He humbled me.
He questioned: Why did I feel the need to jump into the fire? I realized that I was trying to prove my worth. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t afraid and I had a strength in me that others had underestimated. I did not need someone to protect me but I could be a protector. I was driven by pride and my broken femininity. Then God responded in a beautiful way. He reminded me that there were many times where He shut the door to nursing missions but He opened the door to this home. He called me to be steadfast in love like a mother. If I just look at my body, it reveals my purpose. I get to be the arms that the children find safety and love in. I get to speak comforting words or shower them with kisses. I get to walk with them through this time of uncertainty. Even though we are not in the war zone, that could change in a moment and I need to be here for them. It is beautiful that even though they are not children of my flesh and blood, I get to love them like my own.
Thus I don’t need to prove my strength or resilience to anyone. I do not have to jump into the fire because He has called someone else to do that. He wants me to embrace my femininity because He created Eve out of the rib of Adam, to protect the heart. I am here protecting part of His heart. This is not diminishing the tasks of others but just a call to my purpose in life. I find the sisters a beautiful example of the power of femininity. They were given these children as a blessing and they do everything in their power to make sure the children are taken care of. Life is somewhat normal here with their school downstairs in the mornings. Some of the nuns and I prepared medical supplies and medicines just in case we have to shelter in place.
I am not afraid of losing my own life but the thought of one of our helpless children getting harmed because there were not enough hands to help, scares me more than anything. Love is my driving factor here. The love I experience from the children and the sisters and even the volunteers is a love that is worth giving up security for: security of power, food, water, and even life. Right now I have love in my life so there is not much more I need. Well we always need prayers so please continue to pray for us as we will pray for you. I love you!
Elizabeth
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